The Ritz

Slightly rotund Gaetano Proclo of Cleveland, Ohio long ago married Vivian Vespucci of the New York mob-tied Vespuccis - a marriage which has never sat well with Vivian's father, the controlling patriarch of the family. On his deathbed, old man Vespucci demands his son Carmine kill Gaetano, so that Gaetano will not inherit half the family garbage business. Knowing that his brother-in-law is going to have him killed, Gaetano goes on the run, hopping into a cab and telling the driver to take him to the last place the mob would look for him. Where the driver takes him is The Ritz, a male bathhouse. What straight Gaetano doesn't know when he checks into The Ritz is that it is a gay bathhouse, something he does not truly figure out until he is well ensconced within the goings-on at the facility that evening. Like many of the men who want anonymity while at The Ritz, Gaetano signs in under an assumed name, using Carmine's. While Chris, one of the regulars with a penchant for screaming, helps Gaetano navigate the bathhouse, Gaetano tries to steer clear of a few of the other regulars at the facility that evening: Claude Perkins, a chubby-chaser chasing chubby Gaetano, who Gaetano does not want to get too close to for a reason beyond the gay issue; Googie Gomez, the heavily accented Hispanic floor show performer who may or may not be a transvestite, who believes Gaetano is a Broadway producer and thus her ticket to stardom; and Michael Brick, a good-looking but slightly naive private detective hired by Carmine to locate Gaetano, having only a description to work from, and dim Michael cannot even see through Gaetano's obvious fake mustache and toupee. Further complications and misunderstandings ensue when Carmine arrives on the scene. As Carmine and Michael have never met, Michael believes that Gaetano, using Carmine's name, is his boss rather than the man he is supposed to find. The complications grow even further when Vivian arrives on the scene, knowing that her husband is somewhere in the gay facility, with her assuming he is there as a genuine customer.