Assatanata

Darren Silverman, Wayne LeFessier, and J.D. McNugent, lovable losers, have been best friends since the fifth grade, Darren the hopeless romantic, Wayne the one whose thoughts of grandeur always fall short, and J.D. the socially unaware, slightly overweight one who is always sidetracked by food. Something that ties them together is their love of all things Neil Diamond, they performing covers of his songs in their tribute band. Darren has always felt that Sandy Perkis, the two who were on the cheerleading squad together in high school, was the only woman for him, he, never acting on his feelings, missing his chance with her when she and her circus family moved away. However, he believes he has met his new soul mate in the form of beautiful psychologist, Judith Fessbeggler. In his love for her, he cannot see that she is a controlling b****, she only wanting him as her sexless slave. Part of that control is wanting Wayne and J.D., who she considers pigs, out of Darren's life. Not wanting to lose their friend to who they can see is an evil woman, Wayne and J.D. do whatever they can for Judith to exit Darren's life, if not on her own volition, then forcibly. On the flip side, they have to make Darren forget about her, which they believe is easier if there is another woman on the horizon, the most likely candidate in their minds being Sandy. Sometimes not having the moxie to do what they need to do to carry out their rough sketch of a plan, they enlist the help of who was Wayne's high school football coach, Mr. Norton, the type of man who will use a machete when a pen knife is more appropriate.